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Hello! David and I are so grateful to God for Covenant Church! We joined in worship this morning together with unknown others to listen and praise and pray while digging deeper in God’s Word; Thank You Team for making it all possible in the midst of uncertainty in society, what a respite! I miss going to God’s Alter for after service prayer. David and I pray together and apart but something about God’s Alter that He led us to in 2016 continues to lead us there still. He brings Peace.

I’m drawn particularly to His alter to cry out to Him. God has known my every groan beyond words and has tasted and bottled up every tear of mine in life. He uses tears to cleanse, release, surrender, and worship Him, particularly when that’s all to offer Him.

Since my 20’s I’ve prayed for a child through birth or adoption. I never became pregnant but God provided me a total unexpected shift in career and related education preparation every step of the way to work in early intervention with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers and later on up through high schoolers! He’s provided our goddaughter through my childhood friend who bestowed us such an honor years ago! He’s given us nieces and nephews to love and closely connect with as well through both sides of our families! I had a surgery in my 30’s that led me to surrender my will to keep my ovaries - I held on so tight in control for hopes of a child but they had to go. God miraculously left one ovary - the surgeon said it looked fine and I cried so deeply in joy and hope! During that season I my life, God convicted me about my reasons in desiring a child and I had realized in deep gutted praying, they centered on me, self-centered desire...I surrendered that too and He changed my heart and prayers about my desire for a child as He led me through scripture. The pages in 1 Samuel and Luke have marks of my tears shed in prayer. God has sustained me through every question, every insecurity, every worry, every mixed feeling about my desire for a child as I’ve aged. As David and I received the diagnosis of breast cancer on 12/29/2015 from the biopsy, we looked at each other without saying a word and knew that other ovary had to go, it was time, no more holding on as the estrogen it produced fed the aggressive form of cancer. We pressed on full force in surgeries and treatment. Even still I knew God could perform a miracle up to the very last surgery where they removed the ovary. Peace throughout that whole journey occurred through the pray Your Will Be Done! Since then we’ve pressed on and not look back. But my desire for a child has not abated as I thought it would...It’s only grown stronger and stronger. Silence remains in seeking answers to prayers for discernment and the plea to God to Open the tomb to my womb (based on music minister’s testimony and sermon the 4th Saturday night service October) - figuratively. Silence in the continued prayers for a child but surrendering the ever deepening desire to His Will Be Done. So I ask you join David and me in prayer for discernment of His Will and the Peace that surpasses understanding. Amen.

Received: March 15, 2020

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